Social Anxiety and Art

I never know what to write about. So, in an effort to both make it easier on me to post AND still keep people entertained, I’m going to start writing about my paintings. I’m going to write about what inspired them, what mood I was in when I painted them, what music I was listening to and anything else I can think of that pertains to each piece. I’m going to start with my favorite piece from the past year…

I had the idea for the painting sometime between when my dog Dorian died and building my studio. I scribbled it on a note card and saved it, ruminated on it, for a long time before every actually touching brush to canvas.

Emotionally, I was a wreck before my dog died. Full-time student, full-time mother, working artist, chronically ill, autistic, exhausted, burnt-out, and then DT started his term. As if that wasn’t bad enough, my dog, my beautiful protector died suddenly while I was out one day. I wasn’t even home for him, to bring him comfort in his last hours.

I honestly did not know if I was going to make it through that grief on top of everything else. I was in deep, deep despair. Like, I wanted to crawl into his grave with him.

Dorian’s death was the limit I didn’t know I had for accepting a life that wasn’t good enough for me. And I blew everything up. I dropped out of school and I maxed out my credit card and I built my art studio. Without going too much into my personal life, I’ll just say… Coming out on the other side of this has been the fight I needed all along.

And that’s why there’s hope in this painting, too. It was my first “serious” piece after finishing my studio. And this painting was me asking myself, “Is the love I have for this planet and the hope I have for the future enough to carry me through this grief?”

And it turns out it was.

I’ve scheduled my classes for next semester and things have changed a lot around my house. If it’s been enough, only time will tell, but for now I’m content with the direction things are going for me personally.

Politically, that’s another story.

Untitled Grief Painting is oil on 24″ wide by 30″ canvas. It is wired and ready-to-hang.

Available in my shop.